Temperance (Part of Our Principle Series)

Benjamin's Rule:
              "Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation"


The Issue:
 
        So what's the problem here? We all love to eat, and many like to drink, but when is too much really too much. As we watch our colleges pump out graduate after graduate who know more about liquor counts than statistics, and we watch the statistics of diseases such as diabetes get ever more gloomier, it is hard not to hear this message ringing loud and clear. It is not so much a matter of substances, but rather about our ability to control them and use them in a way that gives us pleasure, and not pain. It is a matter of having the ability to forfeit short-term low value pleasures, for long-term high value success's.

The Method:

       Of course, there are many ways to battle the things that you have trouble controlling; ranging from medication, to therapy, to support groups, and any combination of these. When I began to realize that drinking could be a problem in my life, and that I had to make a decision about the direction I was going to take my family, it became ever more clear that I was the maker of this map. My solution was to first pull myself away from the influences that promoted my bad behaviour. This required me to skip a lot of social gatherings with a lot of my friends at the the time, and the loneliness of not getting the phone calls and of being at home on a Friday night no doubt got irksome at times. What is interesting is that once you begin to change your routine and your habits, you quickly find friends who like and do similar things. It did not take long to find people who did not have to get plastered on a Friday to have a good time, and the refreshing feeling of waking up with a clear mind on Saturday cannot go underestimated.

      Once I began to root this nasty habit out of my life, all of a sudden, I had a lot more time, and since my mind was clear I was able to use it in ways which consistently make me better. Wanting to constantly keep reaching for higher goals, I started to seek out mentors who could show me not only how to promote good, normal behavior, but also guide me in the pursuit of higher success. If you have never had a mentor, it is essential. With that being said I will leave that for another post.

The Benefit:

      So why drop your friends who encourage you to drink one more beer? Why put down the second hamburger and ice cream cone? Because we need YOU here. The world is screaming out for healthy, clear-minded, and reliable leaders to take on the challenges of society. There are tremendous personal benefits to be gained from Tempering your habits, but the freedom from addiction or complacency can give you the motivation to go out and do something great. Help somebody out, read a book, take a class, build a bridge, build a community, take charge of a project, learn a new hobby. We need YOU to be YOU, and in my opinion that is the greatest reason.

Peace
Craig

Good Nights

From "Babywise" to "Sleep Like a Pro" to "Get Your Baby to Sleep in Just 3 Easy Steps", there are multitudes of approaches to getting your baby to that first full night of sleep.  I admit, I read them prior to Hannah's birth.  In writing and in theory the promise of a full night's sleep by the baby's second week of life sounded great.  They promised if you just followed their guidelines the household would be happy and well rested.  Needles to say, week two came and went and mama and Hannah were still having our 3 am meetings.  All three of us began to see that that cookie-cutter philosophy wasn't working for the Hargrove's.  What the books leave out is that every child is different (duh) and a 2 week old has no concept of routine or schedule and, in my newly formed opinion on the matter, doesn't need to.  The concept of routine doesn't come until months later.  The forced wake-play-sleep cycle wasn't fitting into our groove.  What we began to see was that we were forming our own groove.  We observed Hannah's behavior and what was working best for her.  Calm nights, slow feedings, and lots of night-time attention put her out like a little light.  By 2 months Hannah is going down easily and readily and sleeping until mama gets breakfast ready and milked pumped, which is usually by 6:30 a.m.  We weren't following any books or putting checks on a 3 step checklist.  We simply were going with our flow and it was working.  Hannah is well rested and mama and daddy are wide-eyed and bushy tailed come morning.

I think every family, and individual, must search to find what works best for them, regardless of what the books say you should do.  Why live out another person's philosophy?  I'm not saying refrain form reading.  Heck no! Read, read, read!!!  However, I think it is harmful to expect Life to work exactly like the words on a page.  You may end up disappointed every time you go to implement the author's strategy.  Take what you like, apply it, and then observe.  Write your own how-to book.  Live your life the best way YOU can live it.  We will fail every time we try to be someone else or live someones else's ideas.  BUT we are each GREAT at being ourselves!  Around here, and not even knowing it, we were writing our very own sleep book.  With the help of Dr. Suess and the yawns of Van Vleek, Hannah is sleeping so well we don't hear a peep.

Let us know what life story you are writing!

Happy trails,
Laura    

Today........

Today I begin a new phase in my life
For body, for mind, for baby, for wife
Today I begin with my own end in mind
My dreams they are set, right now is my time

So conquer the sea and shatter the earth
Funny how life can start with a kiss and a birth
And as I drive on in my own chosen way
I'll pay little mind to the nays you may say

So put on my socks and sit back in my chair
Brew this mornings coffee and comb back my hair
Today I begin to carve my own way
It's the same brand new start that I make everyday.


Peace
Craig

Fear of our Fears

"Anxiety is nothing but re-experiencing our failures in advance"
-Seth Godin

As I prepared today for an important meeting I continuously sought the mirror to check my outfit, my notes to practice my speech, and the clock to check the time. Sure that I would have a bugger protrude from my nose, or a misdirected word stumble from my bumbling lips, I started to become a fear projecting prophet of my own demise.

Why do we do these things to ourselves? Why is the curling iron always presumed to be left on when driving towards Galveston Island? Why do monsters only hide in closets at night? Why do we assume we will fail if we follow our own path?

Anxiety is really nothing more than practicing for failure, and as long as that is what we practice that is what our results will most often be.

There is legitimate room for real fear. Such things like surviving in the jungle, running from a grizzly bear, and watching a tornado barrel towards our homes. But, do we really think that getting up to turn the outside light on will spook off the burglars who were hiding in our bushes, and then proceed to check every window in the house just in case they keep snooping.

Anxiety is simply our fear of fear, and how we embrace it makes all the difference. Two ways

1. You let it in. You seek out reassurance. You triple check that mirror. You look for 5 proof readers before posting that blog (mine is non-proofread). You do all of these things hoping that somebody will find a flaw, or a mistake, and that you will have a good excuse to keep practicing, and not bring your talent to market. It is that Resistance that keeps you from being great. That stinky little lizard brain that wants you to be mediocre, and self conscious, and scared of a world in which, if you tried, you could kick serious ASS.

2. You can just sit with it. Look at it. Explore it. Laugh at it. Sure this sounds easy, and it's not, I know that, but that's why I am writing it. Because it is not easy, but we all face it. Like I said it is that lizard brain, and we all have it. But, if you can accept that there is no reward for worriers, move past your fears, and bring your talents to the market, I promise you those anxious fears will never produce, and the YOU that shows up will be well worth the initial discomfort.

So what did I do this morning? I told my lizard brain to bite it. I removed my gaze from the mirror. I tossed my notes in the trash, I knew what I wanted to say without them. Anxiety took a backseat to the artist within me.

Peace
Craig

A Call From the Wild

I am so glad Craig introduced you to the furriest member of our family (Thanks, dearest).  When Craig and I spontaneously decided to get a dog 2 years ago, we never would have thought the brown ball of fur would change our lives, but she did.  Dating for just a few months, but oh so in love, it seemed a dog was the next step in our relationship.  You know that, “This-is-pretty-serious-so let’s-get-a-dog” stage.  Craig trained her and I picked up the potted plant debris she too often drug from the balcony into the living room.  She eventually understood when mama says, “Kennel” she means, “Get in your kennel NOW!”  Kohna brought us to the humble abode we live in today.  The adorable pup we brought home that February night was growing into a rather large brown dog and the apartment carpet could withstand no more potting soil.  So off we set looking for a cute house that had a yard.  We found one, Kohna approved, and here we are today.

She loves sticks, jumping in Kent and Sheri’s pool in any season, and catching grapes in the air.  Her free time includes taste-testing strangers tomato plants, playing Frisbee, and, as Craig mentioned, walking me.  She loves riding with the windows down and taking hiking trips (She even carries her own backpack.)  Kohna is kind to all things, including the squirrel that drinks out of her water bowl and the kitten we had for a brief period of time.  When we first brought Hannah home Kohna was a bit puzzled at this small thing that cried and received the majority of “her” mom’s attention.  The first few weeks Kohna just sniffed Hannah and gave me a look that seemed to say, “What exactly is that thing you are holding and why aren’t you ready for our walk?”  But, as with all things, that stage has passed and Kohna has welcomed Hannah into the family.  Hannah’s head often smells like Kohna breath from the kisses Kohna gives her sister.  I want to instill a sense of humanity into Hannah and I have no doubt Kohna will assist me in this endeavor. 

So now that you know Kohna, I would like to share a poem Craig found on one of our favorite websites.  Art of Manliness provides readers, both men and women, with tools and advice on how to be a man.  Things from “How to Choose Dress Socks” to “Hero Training: The Chase Down a Purse Snatcher workout” to manly skills such as “Manly Ways to Reuse and Altoids Can”, this website has it all.  I even learned how to properly iron a dress shirt.  Now, I just need to practice this skill.  But, back to the poem… I have read this poem over and over again.  It really speaks to me on not limiting my life to the four walls around me.  The things I have not seen should not evoke gloom because I have not experienced them yet, rather stimulate me to discover the Earth’s beauty in its many forms.  I hope you enjoy this poem as much as we have.  Hannah may not understand the meaning quite yet, but she smiles when I read it and that is worth the breath. 

Call of the Wild

By: Robert W. Service

Have you gazed on naked grandeur,

Where there’s nothing else to gaze on,

Set pieces and drop-curtain scenes galore,

Big mountains heaved to heaven, which the

Blinding sunsets blazon,

Black canyons where the rapids rip and roar?

Have you swept the visioned valley with the

Green stream streaking through it,

Searched the Vastness for a something you have lost?

Have you strung your soul to silence?

Then for God’s sake go and do it;

Hear the challenge, learn the lesson, pay the cost.

Have you wandered in the wilderness, the sagebrush desolation,

The bunch-grass levels where the cattle graze?

Have you whistled bits of ragtime at the end of all creation,

And learned to know the desert’s little ways?

Have you camped upon the foothills,

Have you galloped o’er the ranges,

Have you roamed the arid sun-lands through and through?

Have you chummed up with mesa?

Do you know its moods and changes

Then listen to the Wild – it’s calling you.

Have you known the Great White Silence,

Not a snow-gemmed twig aquiver?

(Eternal truths that shame our soothing lies.)

Have you broken trail on snowshoes?

Mushed your huskies up the river,

Dared the unknown, led the way, and clutched the prize?

Have you marked the map’s void spaces,

Mingled with the mongrel races,

Felt the savage strength of brute in every thew?

And though grim as hell the worst is,

Can you round it off with curses?

Then hearken to the Wild – it’s wanting you.

Have you suffered, starved, and triumphed,

Groveled down, yet grasped at glory,

Grown bigger in the bigness of the whole?

“Done thing” just for doing, letting babblers tell the story,

Seeing through the nice veneer the naked soul?

Have you seen God in His splendors,

Heard the text that nature renders?

(You’ll never hear it in the family pew.”

The simple things, the true things, the silent men who DO things –

Then listen to the Wild – it’s calling you,

They have cradled you in custom,

They have primed you with their preaching,

They have soaked you in convention through and through;

They have put you in a showcase;

You’re a credit to their teaching –

But can’t you hear the Wild – it’s calling you.

Let us probe the silent places,

Let us seek what luck betide us;

Let us journey to a lonely land I know. 

There’s a whisper on the night-wind,

There’s a star agleam to guide us,

And the Wild is calling, calling… let us go.    

Kohna The Barbarian!!!

So, I just wanted to introduce everybody to the baby you all might not have known we had. Her name is Kohna. She lives in our monkey grass, runs with rubber tires (are there any other kind?) over her eyes, pulls Laura down the street in search of her favorite "fecal corner," and holds an extremely important place in the heart of our family.

Kohna in its correct spelling is an Indian census town named Jhusi Kohna with a population of a little over 16,000, literacy rate of 72%, and a very very sweet name.

But, the origination started from the combination of 4 of our favorite things.

1. Kona is a large district in Hawaii, and it derives its name from from having so many Kona's; which are strong westardly winds. If you listen to Jack Johnson you may hear him refer to our dog named Kona in his song Constellations when he sings:

                         "The west winds often last too long,
                           and when they come down, 
                           nothing ever feels the same".


2. Kona Brewery. We love beer. Beer loves us. And we named our dog to remind us that it is passion that motivates.

3.Kona Coffee. If you love beer, you must love coffee. Enough said.

4. Kona Bicycles. This is to remind me of the time that I drank a bunch of Kona beer at night, woke up to bring Laura some Kona coffee, and while riding my bicycle to meet her I flipped over the handle bars because I did not see the curb. This was not a Kona bicycle, but the story is fitting.

So, now you have a little biography about our baby Kohna. I would have let her tell her own story, but when I let her sit in the chair to start typing it came out like this: oerhgGHORUewgroiH

Peace

A Little Chicken With Chicken Little

Friday night rolls around again, and instead of hopping in the local Chili's, which Hannah only lets us do on her watch, we decided to cook a good ole' American dinner. Trying to mix Laura's passion for pepper with my quest for the perfect margarita, we fired up a couple of recipes that would never spoil the moment.

Classic Lemon Pepper Chicken

This dish is easy, engaging, and pretty low cost. We cooked it out on the grill, and would sugest you try it in a skillet. We laid it across a mound of angela hair pasta and served it next to a bundle of asparugus topped with a balsamic sauce.

Beer 'Garita

So this is my part. He said they were good, anything containing 2 cups of tequilla must be good for something. Really, it was a great way to bring together our two favorite summer drinks the beer and the margarita, and we think you should try one soon. BUT, remember temperance is the virue that garners strength.

Laura always seems to have it layed out in such a perfect order and I come and splash olive oil all over the ceiling.  It's the unity in cooking that gives it balance and not the food that's produced.  What recipes do you like?  How about we try yours and you try ours.  Email us your favorite recipes to  laurancraig@gmail.com

Open Thy Eyes

“To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But for those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.”

Matthew 25:29

This popular, and simple, scripture rings in our ears as we approach all the ideas we have for being parents, and try to define our purpose in family and life. This fusion between who we are, what we want, and how we will achieve it has always been a discussion between the two of us (Craig & Laura), so we chose to make this the topic of our first bi-authored blog. So here we go.

It is funny how something that is such a common conversation can become such a complicated experience to portray on paper. Laura and I have always sought out the so-called “meaning” in life, and when we replied our vows we dedicated ourselves to a shared purpose, or at least dedication to the pursuit of purpose.

The real reason for writing this blog is to try to encourage anyone who is going, wants to go, or has gone through this process. The process of growing up, the process of embracing change, the process of being happy, the process of changing the world, or any other process by which you choose to devote your time. And, to give our testimony to how it truly is a partnership of patience and discipline that is required.

So where did we start? Benjamin Franklin. In his autobiography, Franklin gives a first hand account of his impoverished childhood, how he wanted to escape, and the means by which he provided for himself the ability to be one of the greatest figures in the nation. The backbone of this methodology is wrapped around the virtues he felt, that if practiced, would have the power to synchronize his beliefs with his actions. The 13 virtues mentioned below will be a topic of our blogs from here-to-there, and we hope they serve as references to your own education.

1.     Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elation.

2.     Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3.     Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4.     Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5.     Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; waste nothing.

6.     Industry: Lose no time. Be always employed in something useful. Cut off all unnecessary actions.

7.     Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8.     Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9.     Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.

11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity: Rarely use venery, but for health or offspring (We believe in being very healthy), never to dullness (Dullness?), weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s piece or reputation.

13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Disclaimer: Some of these definitions are extreme, WE KNOW, but, like extremely dramatic movies, we have to be given some excitement to spark our actions. If you lived exactly like this list challenges, you would most definitely have no facebook friends, and they really just serve as a guide to better our behavior. Most, if just performed in their most common sense way; i.e. save some money, don’t cheat on your wife, be nice to people, don’t booze too much, etc, will make for great one word reminders.

- Craig and Laura

S.M.I.L.E.

     How does this picture make you feel? Does it make you smile? If your day was down in the dumps and this smile greeted you on your way home from the office would it make the drive home easier? The power of  an unplanned and courteous smile often has the ability to make a bad situation better, and heavy situation lighter, and a cloudy day brighter. So, where does this beauty of life go as we pass into our "adult" life? At what point do we replace the smile to a stranger to show them we care with the constant internal burden of our own situation.

     That spirit does not have to be lost, and maybe with the help from the acronym (S.M.I.L.E.) to remind you of some perfect time to bling your Pearlie's you can spread some unexpected joy to an unsuspecting stranger.

     S is for STRANGERS. Yes these are the boogie men that we are taught to not take candy from as a child, but as adults we should learn to drop this avoidance of our neighbors and learn to embrace them for the similar struggles they fight every day. For the most part people are GOOD, but never taking the time to get to know new people we often lose faith in our fellows. A quick smile can be the perfect instigation of a handshake, that may just lead to a new best friend, and at least a lifted spirit.

     M is for the MEDIA and all the hate it spews. The next time your T.V. or radio blurts out with the latest figures on death and destruction, just sit back and take in a big smile about all the good in the world. Here is an even better idea. Pick up a book, read, and smile about all of your new knowledge.

     I is for the IGNORANCE of the unavoidable people that you will come into conflict with. We are not all meant to be alike and this comes with one giant consequence: WE ARGUE. Arguments happen and often a little conflict is healthy. But always be able to drop the battle, put on a smile, and apologize for any harmful words or actions.

     L is for LOVE. The great uniter of men and women, parents and children, rich and poor. Without this essential feeling towards mankind society does not exist. The day that greed, malice, and self-indulgence take over the rule of love all hope may be lost. This may sound mushy gushy, but love is far more powerful than roses and high school dances. It is that quiet and powerful ember, by whose spark is ignited by the power of faith and devotion, that allows all great accomplishments to be accomplished.

    E is for EXCELLENCE. When people do great things be proud of them. Do not covet the properties of another man, and let not what you work for be stolen by the envious. Excellence is achieved through discipline, hard work, and devotion, and these are traits we should all work to emulate. When you witness greatness be sure to always give a smile and a wink.

    Craig P Hargrove

Cooing and Ahhing

My first Mother’s Day was a beautiful one.  Hannah has been “cooing” for some time, but now she is making a variety of noises that are so fun to listen to.  She smiles back when Craig or I smile and talk to her.  She is very interested in her environment, taking everything in with those big, blue eyes of hers.  She is attracted to bright lights, ceiling fans, and is fascinated with trees.  With the windy spring days our “tree time” is quite fun.  Being a teacher and having an appreciation of the learning process, it is extremely rewarding to watch Hannah process her world.  Getting to know more of her personality and temperament, I predict she will be very assertive.  When Hannah wants to let you know she needs something, she really lets you know.  So far, there is nothing shy about her. 

Craig and I believe in the importance of teaching Hannah she is in charge of her destiny.  As her parents, we are to educate her and give her the tools we feel see needs to make it as an independent woman some day, but ultimately she is her own person, free to make her own decisions.  Based off the principled way we will raise her, we hope those decisions are good ones.  The best thing we can provide her is a strong familial foundation.  Our example will speak the loudest when it comes to teaching her what to do.  If we want her to eat healthy and be an active child, what better way to teach this than to live it ourselves?  If we want her to be honest and respect all humans, we must be honest and respect others first.  It is not always easy, but we try to live with no contradictions.  Our choices and actions align with our chosen values and beliefs.  We hope Hannah will see this and put it into action in her own life.  And possibly challenge us to be even better individuals.  

Saturday a friend of mine and I participated in Urban Dare, an Amazing Race style scavenger hunt in Dallas.  We were given a list of clues and we had to answer them, then find the location of the answer and get to it.  Once there, you take your picture or do a dare and go on to the next place.  We had a blast and only got really lost once.  It was a cool way to see downtown; that is on foot.  We didn’t win, but we didn’t come in last either.  All in all, we walked about 4 miles, found some new places to go back and visit, and had a great conversation on our mini journey.    

I’ll be writing more this week so keep checking in.  Out the door now for a little exercise. Good for the mind and body.  

Peace