Benjamin’s Rule:
“Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself. Avoid trifling conversation.”
The great thing about Ben’s virtues is their simplicity. I think the best way to discuss this topic is to take each segment of his rule and see how we can apply it to our lives.
“Speak not but what may benefit others…”
I see this in two ways.
1. Not talking about other people (i.e. gossip). When we talk it is often easy to talk about someone else. If the focus is on another person, our faults and inadequacies are overlooked, at least for the moment. There is intrigue in other people’s lives, the unknown behind closed doors. That infamous bait and capture technique, “Did you hear…?”, pulls too many well-intentioned friends into a spiral of gossip and opened cans of worms. I think the best way to implement the idea of not harming others by what we say is to switch roles. I know I would not want someone talking about me and spreading things that may not be true. Gossip has a way of exaggerating the thing being talked about. The way I use this in my life is to stop and think before I speak. I ask myself, “I am hurting anyone with what I am about to say?” or “Is this a kind thing to say?” If it is not, or my conscience shakes her finger, I don’t say it. The self-control of refraining from passing along “information” isn’t easy at first, but every time you stop yourself from saying something unbeneficial, you gain more control of the tongue for the next time.
2. We can benefit others by the ideas we share with them. I started using Burt’s Bees face wash and really like it. The minimal and natural ingredients feel better on my face than the face wash that has 30 ingredients that I cannot pronounce. So, I showed my mom and suggested she try it out. I thought she could get benefit from this product and I couldn’t keep that to myself. When Craig finds a new website or reads an interesting article, he usually shares it with me so we can talk about it. He sees where I could benefit from the information so he shares it. Speaking about beneficial ideas only enriches the conversation. If you think someone would be better off knowing the information you have, share it!
“… Or yourself.”
I have choked on the foot in my mouth many times. If I find myself in a situation outside of my comfort zone I often speak with nervous chatter. However, this approach often lacks sincerity and depth. I have had to work on being comfortable in quiet situations, knowing that I can speak when the time is right. If there is nothing to say at that moment, that is okay! I offer no benefit to others or myself if I talk just to talk. I have had to work on being okay with silence. I enjoy those quiet times now. It provides a moment to think and reflect. Silence allows you to speak to your soul.
“Avoid trifling conversation.”
Insignificant conversation is tiring and doesn’t offer much to your listener. There is no intellectual growth or wisdom given by talking about the weather or another person’s drama. Instead of talking about others, I find that talking of ideas and dreams makes for great conversation. When this exchange is made, each person leaves the encounter better off. Eleanor Roosevelt avoided trifling dialogue. Whether this was an old proverb or her own words, she sums this point up when she said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”
I do not claim to live out this virtue perfectly. I have to work on Silence everyday. I believe that we all need silence in our lives. Our inner selves speak the loudest during these quiet times. The pursuit of mastering these virtues is the fun part. By striving to incorporate them into our daily living, we will be better off for the attempt.
Live well,
Laura
